I live alone. My boyfriend lives two hours away. So I'm effectively single without being able to date while not even sharing a space with another individual. To top it off I'm shy. I definitely have friends, but if I don't end up hooking up with them for the evening when I'm feeling social, I'm stuck doing what I'm doing at the moment; messing around on my computer on my front porch hoping a nearby neighbor will find me and converse. Throw in the fact that I'm drinking beer by myself and you have a winner for somewhat pitiful (I'm being generous for myself) lonely chick. (Especially considering my neighbors have encouraged me to knock on their doors to hang out and I even have beers to share.)
Post note: I managed to outlast the neighbors on both sides of me. They went to bed... before I went inside in 50-some degree weather. Granted I'm a little drunk... 'cause although I only had two beers... I donated blood today. Sad as it may be I expect to stay here another half hour in hopes someone will exit at keep me company. Damn it. I was even buying beer at the same time as one of my less familiar neighbors... what does a decently attractive nice female who is willing to share alcohol have to do?.... Seriously!!!
On the plus side, from what I can hear my neighbors are watching utter crap.
So here's the deal. I need to work on initiating. I'm dramatically better about it than I used to be. I, for example, didn't meet my neighbors until recently but have lived next to them all for the last year. Ridiculous. I always think it's funny that you can hear the very most basic goings on of a person's life... like toilets flushing, showers running, dishwashers, music, sex... yet not even know their name. To feel somewhat warmed by the presence of another human being while knowing that if you ran into them on the street you wouldn't recognize them and know next to nothing about them is a little strange. I also want to note that while I do note these sounds... I'm not struggling to hear them or whatever creepy things one might imagine... I just feel connected when I notice these things every now and then. It's interesting to wonder how anyone can influence someone's life in that sort of way and have no idea.
I'm one of those individuals who contemplates how a seemingly unimportant interaction with say someone at a bus stop, or a person asking for change for a payphone because their cell phone has died... can influence the lives of both individuals. Delaying someone for five seconds could be the difference between them reconnecting with a long lost friend or them meeting a potential love interest. If you don't get what I mean watch the chick-flick Sliding Doors (as it corroborates some of my favorite world concepts. I do enjoy what I consider to be a chick flick in this instance).
But I stray from my main point. Why is it that even though I have four perfectly good beers, and if I do say so myself some pretty descent company, I am too afraid to reach out and tap on my neighbor's door?
3 comments:
Ugh... they're watching Daily Show now... so so so unfair. (DNC!!!) Ugh it's probably online by now anyway.
You can always share your beers with me! I think that was an interesting point about being exposed to someone's intimate details without even knowing their name. It's hard to put yourself out there to meet new people. Even the times when I feel like I could, sometimes I just don't care...or I feel too involved in my own world, or the person I am trying to initiate with is too involved in theirs.
I think it's great when you find people who can really become a part of your world, rather than mere acquaintances. I have always found that to be so tremendously unsatisfying for some reason. If I'm going to interact with someone, I want it to be deep, and if it's not going to be, then why bother or care? Of course that probably ends up preventing from meeting new people and developing new friendships. On the plus side you can nurture the relationships that really matter.
I've become a little more comfortable putting myself out there since my break-up. Now it's semi-hard to get time to myself. I also now live with the neighbor that was listening to Daily Show's coverage of the Democratic National Convention. Life changes fast.
And Krinternet, I always love sharing my beers with you! And I agree it's the deep connections I have with people that I find best. Far more relaxing and far more fulfilling. But yeah when you put out the effort and take the risk... it can be easier to make good connections with new people that it seems when you open up.
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